Mixed Feelings on Handmaids

        Handmaids, oh Handmaids. They are such a nuisance. Just last week I caught my own handmaid taking sugar from the kitchen. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Taking sugar to held with my duties." As if she could ever fulfill her duties, she hardly even tries. All she has to do is bring in food, and have a child, with monthly ceremonies you would have thought that not a difficult task. I told her, "Don't give me trouble, or I'll give you the trouble I told you I would." She said nothing, put back two packets of sugar, and returned to her room. Her measly little room, were she keeps her few things. 

         I don't dislike Handmaids, but they can be such a bother. They constantly strut around with their own importance, or act as if somehow they are better than me for reasons I don't know, that i would never understand. I pity the ones that cannot do their jobs, but they should be able to fulfill their requirements. It is their obligation, we treat them so well, yet not one has given me a child. I even let my handmaid bathe in my own blue room. Not all of them are bad people, and a few used to be quite smart, before they were told to stop reading and writing. They should be at least kind, and appreciative. I give them food, shelter, security, and status, yet they don't even give me a child. It is really frustrating that handmaids have so little to do, yet mine can never deliver me a child of my own. I have heard stories of utterly horrible Handmaids from other wives, so I guess I have been lucky thus far. Oh how I wish one would just do her job correctly, it' snot as if we are at fault for their failure. I would tolerate them if they would treat me with respect, and gave me a child, but they are completely useless, and a bother. How I wish I  could send all of them to the colonies and give me my child.

My name is Serena Joy. I live with my husband in The Republic of Gilead. Some would call me "petite." I have ash-blonde hair, a small nose("Snub nose"), and "huge blue eyes." Some would say that my face is "not fat but it was large." You could also say that my chin is "clinched like a fist." My eyebrows are "plucked into thin arched lines."
I spend most of my time in the house. While "the commander"(my husband) is away I like to knit. I knit very intricate scarves for the angles at war, I also like to smoke cigarretes. I organize, and take care of my garden, as most women of my status do. Although my poor health has limited me to walking with a cane, I still try to garden whenever possible.
In this time I think alot about what could have been. My greatest aspiration is to have a child in my house, but my greatest dream is to get rid of this obsession about children. I like children, but this obsesson about more children is ridiculous. I wish there hadn't been the chemical warfare, and that more children had been born. Most of all I wish that there had never been any handmaids, I tolerate them, but I wish there had never been any of them. I wish I could have a child of my own, or at least not have had the lack of children we have now, or the chemical warfare had never happened.